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Lagging

 

Lagging

(for Chris Blackman)

 

I’ve been pretty good for a time

But then I got the flu & got lagging

Lagging

Don’t dope too much

Don’t drink too much

Don’t look at ur phone too much

Don’t work too much

Or you too ’ll get lagging

Be careful of who you surround yourself with

Laggs in small measures

Be careful of complaining too much

That’s a big one

Mental breakdowns are a bad one

They get you lagging for ages

Trust me, you don’t wanna get lagging

My wife & I separated  

You guessed it:

I got lagging

“Woe is me,

You can’t trust no one”:

Lagging

I got gout in my foot from pounding the pavement:

Lagging

My dogs never lagged

They were aways keen as mustard

Even when one had to have surgery

He only lagged for a moment

Before he was bounding about again

My niece & nephew don’t lagg

Except when they crack the shits:

Lagging

But I’m gonna cut this short

I could go on forever

& as Jesus said,

Before he got lagging on the cross

“Stop raping women, Donald

You’ve been lagging on meth & Twitter for long enough

I'm done with ya”

Btw, it might be unfair to say

Jesus lagged on the cross

But I’ve stretched the joke too far

& now I’m lagging

& this poem is lagging

& the empty pen is lagging

So, I’ll bite the sick man’s bullet

& go straight to bed

It’s safer to be lagging there

 

 

Published & Copyright Malachi Doyle 2025.

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