Apology for an evil word (draft)

 

Apology for an evil word by Malachi Doyle

 

I wrote/drew/painted this art book

in Respekt

for the child soldiers

in Australia the British Empire AmiKKKa

& of course Momma Afrika

The French German Italian Dutch Spanish Empires

Jesus Asia

The Middle East

South America

Central America

The Carribbean

The Pacific Islands

The former USSR countries

The former Yugoslavian countries…

My Nation’s & the world’s Asylum Seekers

Child Detention Centres

& the World’s poor country city neglected

homeless abused persecuted

ignored ridiculed

dismissed forgotten

the murdered &

raped mutilated totured the beaten

those who suffer

the effects of

Authoritarian

& ‘soft’ Tyrannies

skooling shitstems & other

corrupt institutions Corporations

in short the Vampires

who suck

“Earth Mother’s Women’s Child”rens’ blood,

 

I can’t express how I don’t wanna eat

I have lost my appetite

I wish we together would uplift them all

& prove beyond doubt

That some people care

“From Little Things Big Things Grow”

 

I have no defense for using it.

I am a guilty man.

My hands are blood damn spotted (like Lady Macbeth)

While people are murdered & raped & denied even basic Human Rights the World’s Governments have enshrined yet at every moment abuse debase & break.

I’m sick of it

If you wanna kill me

Torture me

Lock me up

Gag me

that’s beyond my control,

just know that I mean it with the utmost

Love & Respekt

& I cry & vomit & shit blood

Because we are suffocating & being driven mad.

We are

The Human Family are

having a shit taken on our heads

in such torrential quantities

a flood,

that We Can Seemingly Only Talk Shit,

(try breathing!)

 

so the title of this book is SHIT.

As is this abomination of a book.

Like Pasolini’s Salo

it is despicable

not like the lying cartoon about psychopaths being ‘cute’ (sic.)

but short of violence

I am at a loss at what to do

Short of quitting my gift & setting myself alight.

It is a word burning in my

ears & mind echoes & in the street around the world,

you wouldn’t believe it,

I’ve even been called it,

I lived in a town.

I made this book

at the time a high school teacher,

to kids in the Dandenong area,

(the same area my mother grew up in the 1930s Great Depression,

when homeless men would come for meal & a drink & maybe a suck on a pipe & a bed in return for a small odd job – a farm,

& my then wife flew here & grew here in after migrating to Australia from an African country),

At this school I worked mainly as a what the Americans call a ‘substitute’ teacher to

Kids who had a different teacher every lesson for several terms in VCE!,

As I nursed my wife

Who not only suffered racism in her 3 months of hospitalisation from a fellow patient at her Most vulnerable, but suffered a messed up brain operation!

 

Our marriage on the rocks

(we have since divorced & I wish this wonderful woman who’s been through so much

Love Life & Happiness

Jesus kept his word!

& as Witney sings (my first self-purchased cassette),

Above all I wish her the Best!

 

--

 

I made the artbook a desperate & broken man.

 

--

 

But I’m healing now

I’m doin ok

Some days I’m absolutely lovin life! (Aussie slang! Not McShit! Amazon anyone?! It’s the world’s biggest Rainforest & source of most of the world’s superfoods! Which are now patented by Big Pharma! & Food Companies, so farmers have to buy said patented seeds with are naturally occuring, it’s also the world’s biggest source of oxygen! No room for Beef Farming there! Nor logging! Stop cutting down Virgin Rainforest & the genocide of Indigenous Peoples there & make junk food & junk culture & more junk which not only doesn’t biodegrade, it’s designed, & made by slaves, with built in obsolescence! & don’t get me started on space junk! & why there are so many lights on in empty areas on Full Moons so I can’t see the stars which guide us & so many lit up empty ‘showrooms’ in a city with a housing crisis! Clearly, we should never have floated the dollar on the Stock Exchange in 1983, our dollar was worth double what it is now! (thanks Bob!) & all the factories shut down, no jobs now but hospo, fuckin call centres, & what that shit called? Admin? Data Processing! Jesus!)

Anyway,

As I said I’m doin ok

Not as in that proforma “Have a Great Day!”

I’m doin ok

On the Journey, as they say

 

I’m a survivor as Destiny’s Child sang

So I don’t need to use that word again.

It’s all used up.

 

One Love One Heart One Destiny.

Always Was Always Will Be Wurundjeri Country

where I write this sniveldrivel.

 

I gotta be tougher & better than that.

I’m needed for more than that now.

We've just had a Terrorist Attack on First Nations Australians, that the media in this country is not reporting & on the streets there's a strange unpleasant silence & our Prime Minister has been VERY quiet on! & we call ourselves a Democracy (under Monarchy)!

What I believe is:

As the saying goes

United We Stand Divided We Fall!

 

 

Mal.

P.S. Only problem is I just used it talkin to myself! You see that’s an American thing with the ger. Whenever I hear Afrikan music, they use it all the time. It’s spelt gga. I kind of get it. I only ever use it if a white person’s being passive aggressive or someone being particularly a shit cunt,

or if I’m talking about a great person I love who’s been brutalised,

Like Garcia Lorca or Mozart or ma dad

Oh! I don’t know!

I’ll try not to write.

It’s just sometimes it’s the only word. Respekt! bredren xx

As my best mate says I’m off ma chops!

Jesus!

It’s CRAZY out there!!!

I’m not playin mate.

Ur kiddin me!

Fucked!

Completely fucked!

We gotta get real.

Be real!

For the sake of your kids

& their kids.

Sectarianism has no place.

I mean it all boils down to whether you can polish a turd?

The answer is no you can’t.

A turd is a turd is a turd.

Chris Offili did interesting art with elephant turds.

It works as a turd face with hair & spangles.

I revolting.

Coz it’s clearly a turd.

It works that way.

I’m just a gobshite.

I’m Irish.

I’m Australian.

I lived in the ends.

Good people

Before the Olympics & gentrification.

There were many who knew the old signs outside boarding houses:

“No Blacks No Irish No Dogs.”

I lived in a boarding house with Muslim Afrikans & Tamils & a Hindu Astrologer & a langer, even some Eastern Europeans, who moved in later.

First a fire. Then no front door!

Time to get outta there!

After I left, the Riots started.

Now apparently it’s upmarket.

Property Development!

Fuckin shit cunts!

I’m outta here.

Safe

You’re right it’s not an apology

That’s just that white man voodoo shit.

The only reason I speak English at all is because 800 plus years of being Colonised.

I don’t trust the fuckin language.

I should know, I’m poet an internationally published poet

Whose father was a poet.

He spoke Gaelic.

One of the last words he spoke was a word I got wrong coz I thought he was talking English not Gaelic.

Anyway, fuck language.

As I’ve sung before:

Words don’t exist

It’s just animal hiss.

In my band with late best friend Mikey Maginness.

We were called Bait.

Released records you can listen to.

He died of old age at 51.

Serious Haemophilia.

Contracted HIV from a blood transfusion as a 13 year old before they screened for it.

He put in massively.

& remained wild & untamed.

Not a huge talker lest you got him on Drumpf.

Then he’d develop tourettes syndrome! 🤣

He loved nature the birds the weather his mate Mungo next door’s alpaca.

He reckon Mungo looked awesome when he got his dreads.

Of course they sheared the poor bugger.

Anyway I miss him.

But I feel him near tonight.

We revered Peter Tosh together.

Singing the song “The day the dollar die

Everything will be much better…

People will respect one another”

At a Casino! (video available via YouTube)

Tosh I we used to call him.

Mikey’s gone now.

Or is he?

A recluse shaped largely by his condition.

Like Tosh I he called the city “the shitty.”

Anyway we both agreed:

It’s all telepathy, energy et al.

As Bob Marley sang

“who feel it knows it.”

Everything else is just for show.

What my dad Seamus called “bluff & cheek merchants”

Oh shit it’s morning.

Hope you have an ok day today too.

At some point I should go to bed.

Full moon & all.

Safe

Or as another says 

“Smell ya later.” 😛

Good night morning whatever mutter mutter…

…

…

… Fuck PC!

We all know it was invented by racists!

Fuck em

& get me started on the genocides under Post Modernism Post Structuralism Revativism Ad absurdum!

You’re fuckin kiddin me!

& the Passive Aggressives!

Who slur “I’m quite scared”

As you’re walking quickly away alone from their big group with a turned stomach

Need a bit of a slappy from Malachi! methinks

It’s just words people

Don’t be offended by them

I mean obviously not in front of kids!

That goes without saying,

Doesn’t it?

But shit yeah, that’s right.

Where I started:

Child Soldiers

I can’t imagine victims of torture being too worried about swear words.

I’m more worried for them them/care about them.

I’ve met a few early in the morning at 24/7 venues

Shout em a few drinks.

The least I can do for em.

Give em an ear.

Till we get kicked out the security team.

I wonder what qualifications

Other than a small dick

You need

To become a security guard?

Or an ICE agent?

Obviously a lust for power, no?

… in the words of Alice through the Looking Glass

Curiouser & Curiouser…

Who’s comin out from Israel?

A big politician?

New Hate Speech bill

Who wrote that?

What was their motivation?

Sorry, I used to be an English Teacher

That’s basic technique you teach

Motivations of players (if indeed “life is a stage”?)

Like my Father

& my Grandmother…

English Teachers

Yeah Freedom of Expression is very important in this Country

Like Yoorook Truth Telling.

Crucial.

I’d be more interested in asking how can one be prosecuted for defamation even if it’s true?

& reforming that law

& maybe some presecution for Rio Tinto blowing up a 40,000 year old Aboriginal Sacred Site (that’s just one case!)

Geez, you’d need some good lawyers!

Know any?

To borrow from Danny in Withnail & I,

“The Law rather appeals to me actually.”

As they say in Glasgow,

“If you didn’t laugh you’d cry.”

Of course I do both.

Not as much laughing these days since my big brother died.

We were good allies.

Fought like brothers, as good allies do.

He was funny.

If I’m a sic kunt

He was ‘baadman’

Raped when he was a kid.

I had to keep that a secret all those years.

Not by my dad, his dad.

He’s dead fortunately.

Karma caught up with him.

Fuck im.

I had my brother’s back.

He had mine.

I loved him like a brother best man & practically a father or an uncle.

Big man.

Big shoes to fill.

Nah! Life doesn’t give you trigger warnings

You just see them dead in front of ya.

Till it’s your turn.

So if ‘silence is golden’

I don’t like gold

As again Kev Carmody sings

“Coz you shoulda found out long ago

You’d better keep it in the ground.”

Guarded Granaries indeed.

& I’ve still forgotten the Torres Strait Islanders & West Papuan genocide that no one in Australia seems to care about regardless they’re on our national flag, Oceania, the way the powers that be treat our oceans for more drilling like the land they frack. & the chemicals peopke put down the sinks & cisterns which wind up in out plastic filling up rivers & oceans & river & ocean creatures.

I guess I’m just “chattin shit”

What’s that word they use here to tell you to stop talking?

Not taping my mouth up at school when I was 5

Not death threats

No they “fuck off!”

Bit hard when ur at home or in my neighbourhood

Where should I go?

& why?

I pay my bills

I take my meds

I don’t drink much anymore

Generally I’m just wishing people well

& trying to foster a sense of community

So damaged by the COVID lockdowns of 2020 & 2021

& the nazi salute of the so called ‘smart’ phone

& ‘streaming platforms’

Why they make no more comedy?

Do people “like it shit”?

Child soldiers eh?

Fuck torture

& my country commits it every minute of the day

In ways that not human fallibility

But Systematic 

Military Corporate Incarceration Intelligence

Published & Copyright Malachi Doyle 2026.