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Coming off alcohol

 

Coming off alcohol

 

Coming off alcohol

Best go to bed

As the chemicals in the brain

Shift

 

Endure the dizziness

The light headedness

& the light sensitivity

I’m cheering for myself

For the first time in my life

 

For too long

I’ve been mistreating myself

Punishing myself that my trauma

Is largely vicarious: nearest and dearest

 

For my whole life

I’ve been in different carer roles

My wife, aging people, as a school teacher

Counselling my father

In the shower from 2 & 3 years of age

 

On why beating the family was unacceptable 

& that he must cease

He must change his ways

I had to tread so carefully around his rage

Firm but acting calm


Riding his mood cycle

 

Like Herbert Simmons

A boy into “…Man walking on eggshells”


And eventually it worked

 

Nevertheless I was only struck twice in the face

So survivor guilt

The others fared so much worse

Mixed with my complex of severe mental illnesses

 

I’ve disguised it well

 

A heady mix

 

But the body is punished.

 

Fear not a change for the better

It is in your hands

 

As if my best friend was speaking to me

(most have died):

 

“Darling Malachi

I’m sorry for abusing you

For mistreating you

You deserve better

You’re a good man”

 

My words to myself in the toilet

Looking upwards through the filtered light

 

I really needed

To hear those words…

 

 

Published & Copyright Malachi Doyle 2023.

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