‘You win some you lose some’

 

‘You win some you lose some’

 

So welfare recipient me

Spending too much of his life savings

Coz he’s a romantic

In an age of pragmatists

Head full of herb

& a belly full of booze

Took an Uber back to my 5 star city hotel

Good night

The cabbie & I talked about

How the Japanese aren’t having sex anymore

& we agreed that they’re too into cosmetics

To look like dolls

& it’s a society without pheromones

The word for beauty

Regarding women

For instance

Either means ‘clean’

Or ‘cute’

Neither sexy ideas

Anyway we wished each other well

& I tipped him the top amount

The hotel was quiet

The restaurant closed

So it was back to the room for a nightcap

From the mini bar

Fell asleep easily

Love the fresh sheets

As I’ve said

& woke not too dusty

Ready for a light breakfast & check out

& headed back to the country

The day before the car park at the hotel was full

Apart from a tiny space right up against the wall

On the way in I heard a little ding against a bollard

I squeezed out of the driver’s side door

& thought “don’t wanna look at the damage

If it’s bad it’ll ruin my night

I’ll deal with it tomorrow

Nothing I can do about it now”

The drive back to the country was pretty smooth

110 up the Calder

I tossed up whether to go & see Len

In Malmesbury or not

But when I got to the turn off

I really felt the call of nature

& I mightn’t make it to Castlemaine

So I took it

After I’d finished my business

In Len’s thunder box

I walked in to his café

It was packed

So it was agreed best

If we wanna have a chat

To come back in an hour

I checked the damage to the car

Just a little bit of paint

No dramas

I was really hungry

& fancied a chicken pasta

So I went to the pub

Which is run by a lovely couple in their 70s

Good old skool country pub

Ordered a Carlton Draft on tap

I couldn’t buy it in a bottle

But on tap it’s good

In fact I remember the taste

As my first taste of beer

When I was a littlin

With my uncle Jim

He was a lovely bloke

Loved all my uncles & aunties

Jim had that warm benign thing

My mother’s people had

Anyway,

The pub owner bloke

Said to me

“The lass out there

Who works here

Would love a game of pool

If you’re interested

Kitchen opens in 30 minutes

If you wanna do something while ur waiting”

Sweet

Not only that

She asked if I wanna have a game of pool

When I went out to the smoker’s section

Nice lady

Good country girl

Salt of the Earth

Tatts & missing teeth

I told her I hadn’t played in a long time

But of course you never know with pool

Whether they’re hustling or not

Haha

Of course she won

But I did sink a nice shot to one of the left end pockets

& as anyone knows

Who plays sport

Coz pool’s a proper sport

Coz you can drink & smoke

That it’s that one shot

That keeps you going

In the end I had calamari

No chicken pasta on the menu

Ah well

Good tucker

Good honest pub

Which compared to the gentrified pubs

In Castlemaine is what you want

The closest we have is the Cumby

But it is a gaming venue

I know enough about

My nature

To know I never want to open that door

That way lies the abyss

I’m honestly frightened to write those words

That by giving air to them

I might awaken an evil genie

To tempt

Ah well, FUCK OFF CUNT!!!

I did head back to Len’s

Hot day

34 & a Northerly wind

A day of fire

Len

As they used to say

About my Dad’s grandfather

Malachi McLaughlin

Is a “gintleman”

Always feel good talking with him

Seems to have no anger or malice in him

He’s like an Indian guru

Who heals just by their presence

Had an iced coffee

Nice

Bit too sweet

Maybe my taste for icecream

Is not what it was?

Or maybe

I should have asked for an extra shot of coffee?

I confess I drank much whiskey & beer

When I got home

& when I ran out of booze

It was time for the pub

On the way out of my place

I talked to a neighbour

Who’s also a GP

Nice girl

She gave me the usual caution

As people do

About drinking

Strange in this wowserish time

That others think you’d never thought about it

Or even that they care more

About your wellbeing than you do

Irritates me

Mate my Father’s family were teetotallers

& they were as cold as ice

As puritans inevitably are

As my Dad’s uncle Patrick

Who’d appear at family doos

Of tea & light lunch

With bottle of “Art’ur’s” (Guinness) under his arm

Poor a tall black drink with milky foam atop

Raise it to his lips

& say to the young James (my father)

“Aye James

Da Pint man is da safe man!”

I got to the pub

& my favourite barmaid is on

Lovely woman

Country girl

Salt of the earth again

I like unpretentious people

(there’s no many of them in this town)

& I like her

I saw 2 friends of mine out the front

Smoking & drinking

Now the bloke

Has a bee in his bonnet

About “being interrupted”

I’ve never met it before

Except with him

Social gatherings

Have always been about fun

& exuberance

& sometimes we talk over one another

& sometimes we don’t

Who cares?

Any he gets really pissed off about

Like pubs are meant to be a question & answer

Exercises

So the woman’s talking

& I respond with a monosyllabic exclamation

Which apparently was

When the man wanted to make his great utterance

I’m relaxed

The woman’s chortling

& then this supposed friend

He quickly & unexpectedly comes up behind me

& grabs me around the shoulders & neck

Pinning my arms

Better known as a ‘choke hold’ or the 'power hold'

I was powerless & in shock

It all seemed unreal

I don’t have my defenses up

I don’t presume friends

Are about to assult me

Anyway

The woman took off

The 2 off us spoke a minute or two longer

Where he insisted on the fittingness

Of his actions

I said to him

“You’re really angry”

To which he said

“No I’m not”

& I said

“You’re shaking”

& then he did this kind of

Stretching his upper body

Like an ape

& I thought

Fuck this

I’m not really interested in angry people

So I went inside & took a seat at the bar

With the lovely barmaid

I’m personally

Past violence

Never really liked it much

When I was living in Lewisham

I mean you had to have your guard up

But Jesus

I forgot

That festering beneath his uptight passive aggressive town

There lurks rage

As Chuck Berry sang

“Too much monkey business for me to be involved in!”

Haha

Fuckin Tripping mate!

Tripping

Tripping

Tripp-ing!

Fuckin ell

Wound tight anyone?!

Oh man

You can’t make this shit up

As the old saying goes

So a guy walks into the bar

Ka-boom!

I’m minding my business

Having nice chats with the barmaid

We’re boy singing along with the stereo

& another mate walks in

An artist

Very ambitious & strategic

He’s in business mode

Whereas we’re doing shits & giggles

He wants to know if he can book the venue

The barmaid said

“the boss isn’t here”

So he says

“I guess I’d better get a drink”

Yunno, politics

He orders

You guessed it

An orange juice

Another judgemental fuckin teetotaller

Who loves acting important

He wants to talk ‘serious’

About my drinking

Geez, I’ve just been assaulted

& now another person criticizing me

For impenitently enjoying myself

Evidently I should be at home

Watching reruns of canned laughter

Or doomscrolling my 'social' media

About 'important issues'

He didn’t grab me though

So that’s an improvement

Anyway, I told him to back off

& he left

Scheming his next career move

Mystify

Comes on the stereo

“Mystify

Mystify me!”

My teenage favourite INXS song

& the barmaid & I

Are singing along

Then at the end

I say “Rewind!”

& we’re singing again

Then we agree “one more time!”

So a man & woman come over to the bar

You gotta remember

That it’s a quiet pub

There’s no one in

Hence the barmaid & I are entertaining ourselves

So the woman says

“we came over because of the singing”

All smiles

Then the guy

Who looks like a Rise Up member

Or a Queensland cop

Trying to play dominant male

‘to impress the birds’

In short: knob

Says to me

“You look like Rolf Harris

(coz I wear glasses & have a beard?

No doubt hates 'intellectuals')

You must be a pedophile”

All happy with himself

To which I

Coz it’s been a weird night

& I was a bit pissed

Said

“Geez thanks a lot mate

Fuckin ell”

Another tripper

On a power trip

Jesus!

Anyway,

I let it also slide

As my Jamaican brother Richard says

“You’re a sic kunt

You’re off your chops

You don’t give a fuck”

Or as I call it

“A bit that sure

But also a bit of PTSD’s disassociation”

Anyway, they order a couple of shots

& his woman says “You’d better buy him one”

She was quite nice

Tourists

Anyway

We have a couple of shots

& they bugger off

& my barmaid says

“we’re the only ones here

& I not allowed to close up yet

Do you wanna come outside with me

So I can have a smoke”

So we go outside & talk

She said “what the fuck was that guy?!

Calling you a pedophile

What an arsehole”

I said “yeah it’s been a good night

3 different guys taking potshots at me”

She’s lovely person

Mother of 4 adult children

I think I had one more

& she said “I’ll drive you home”

So you know

‘you win some you lose some’

I’ve always had a colourful life

From the time

My teacher tapped up my 5 year old mouth

Can remember her name

But not interested in opening up old wounds

My wonderful Grade 6 teacher on the other hand

Miss Wilkinson

Wrote on my graduation certificate

“Malachi

When all else fails

Your sense of humour will get you through”

Wise words

For a sic kunt to live by

 

P.S.

I am taking a few days off the booze

I read the signs that night

But if I choose to take a break

Or pair things back for a while

It’ll be because I choose to

Not because some sticky beak

Shows that awful Middle Class affectation:

‘concern’

 

& I’ll be back with some more adventures/misadventures

PPS.

In reality the physical assault has me shaken

& as I've already worked out

I'm no SK

Man, I just wanna enjoy the last years

Of my life

Without my guard up

Without a chip on my shoulder

I'm a lucky guy

& wish you all the best

But I'm an old man & PTSD from a life of knocks

& if we pretend to stand for ideas of Truth & Civility

& resort to power & violence

Then there is no hope

I'm open about how I feel

In the hope that it will enable others

To feel confident about opening up

But my experiences amongst the Australian

Is that people are really threatened about me having no shame

As John Lennon sang

"Everybody's got something to hide

'cept for me & my monkey"

& they will use force to achieve silence

Prison culture

The old convict roots

"Watch your back, keep your head down, mum's the word"

& the Left are no different in this

They love War & Social Problems

Because it's a way of avoiding admitting their personal truths

 

Published & Copyright Malachi Doyle 2024.