A Difference between a psychosis and a vision

 A Difference between a psychosis and a vision.

The former has a narrative the latter doesn’t. In short, the former speeds up time, the latter slows down time.

In a vision one is watching oneself having the vision. In a psychosis one is unaware of this distinction.

However, the 2 ‘episodes’ interrelate.

Perhaps my psychosis was a necessary training for better understanding of my visions. For they make me more circumspect and doubtful and less gung ho.

To borrow from the South African painter William Kentridge, in my recent vision which includes before and after and all my life

a “defence of the uncertain.”

The point if there is one, of a vision, is resonance.

Which is transformation plus wisdom.

In short Time.

Of course the danger always lurks of another psychosis. With the help of my brilliant Psychiatrist, I have become trained, for want of a better word, in self managing. However I also need the help of my community.

I am truly lucky to have supportive people around me.

As for the content of my visions:

You would be better off talking with me.

Some remain with me,

Like my childhood experience in … where entering land that is only accessible during the dry season, 

To be honest the more I’ve thought about it over the intervening 35 years, the more I’m sure, we as unitiated non Indigenous people shouldn’t have been there.

Anyway, I saw the Aboriginal ancestors in some dimension.

The vision persists to this day.

It speaks to me in the call of the wind et al.

And the stilling of it.

From their bearing I feel cautioned to be aware of ego, hubris, and malicious intentions.

To be honest the less said the better here.

2 Indigenous friends … & … encouraged me to talk about it, but many will be suspicious.

In fact we must all be suspicious of the voice of Individuals speaking for something beyond themselves.

But why would I have had it, except to share it? Maybe for personal growth?

I honour the spirits and commend you all to honour the spirits and the land we have stolen and abused, while we seek greedily for reassurance that our financial futures are ensured, as if the present is irrelevant.

“You can’t take it with you” to borrow from Paul Kelly.

Anyway, we can’t live our lives in fear of bullies and the desecrators of the sacred.

And at the the end of the day I might just be a madman, a charlatan. I don’t think I am. I am certainly fallible and take many missteps.

No doubt if I eventually am forced to end my years in an asylum, you will dismiss all the years of my life, sane & insane.

Bully for you mate. I hope it brings you peace. One is not all things. We all make mistakes, but I think, in the end of one’s life, it’s about has your good outweighed your bad?

Love,

Malachi xx

P.S. The other thing I didn’t mention about the vision is that it persists to this day, periodically.

(With the psychosis, I only recall fragments/details, which when analysed fall apart.) 

Perhaps more later, than at the time, the vision of the ancestors persists. I am seeing them now, when I take a break from typing.

The final thing is that the lesson (which really is a reductionist version of its pregnancy) from the vision has come gradually over decades. Perhaps after a lifetime, its message to me will have communicated enough to and through me that I can pass it onto the next generations. Time will tell.

I will return to them again and again and after xx

Published & Copyright Malachi Doyle 2023.