On Psychosis
To bang on
about one’s mental health issues
Could be
potentially narcissistic I guess
Unless it
might mean also something to other survivors
&
perhaps shed an interesting light
On the minds
of those who aren’t
With special
regards to knowing & it’s twin: delusion.
The
particular aspect I have never really gotten over
Was the
completely humiliating & core shaking revelation
That during
my psychosis my perception of things
Was 180 degrees arse frontwards on certain ‘certainties.’
It is very
hard when one has been willing to die for them
Note I say
die & not kill
Because the
latter thought never occurred to me
My focus
during my psychosis & perhaps its dominant theme
Was the immense
suffering in the world
With which I
became existentially overwhelmed
By my sole
obsessive desire to bring about an easing of suffering.
I was in no
way malicious, quite the opposite
Love for
all life was driving me.
During my
psychosis
I was
operating in a different strata of reality
However,
many of my understandings were penetrating
Incompatible
as they were with the mechanical, commercial doings of our societies
I became reductionist
in scope
Big Picture
philosophy lost track of the intimate dealings that complicate the binary
I became
structural ad absurdum
& lost
the significance & sanctity of subtleties
One might
call it the light of not being able to see the light
Small dissonances
were amplified for me
I was
living on a Romantic stage & my role exaggerated.
What I had
to learn was the importance of collaborative ventures
The
importance of relationality
& the
Post-Copernican fact that I am not at the centre of the Universe.
Desperation
drives one to such positions
Whether it
is desperation for water, food, shelter, companionship, security, safety
Desperation
drives us mad
Some people
weep disconsolately, some seek symbolic retribution
But
desperation drives us mad
It is for this reason that basic needs must be ensured to all people
Else desperation
will drive desperate people to madness
& a
world governed by madness is apocalyptic.
Published & Copyright Malachi Doyle 2023.
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